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‘The Song’

A while ago someone made a proposition to me to write a song together. Neither of us has ever seen the other one’s part… Today, sitting miles away from the place where we’ve met, I’m sharing my bitter-sweet part of the song bearing in mind the beautiful memories of that time.

If I ever had known

I wouldn’t tell you

If I wanted to stay

I wouldn’t tell you

If I needed your help

I wouldn’t tell you

If you were even alone

I wouldn’t tell you

 

What’s the point?

We’re alone

In every moment

Life is lonely

And no

Answers were ever coming

If you want anything

You keep on going

With the last scream for help

We’re both fading slowly

 

1:34

I was never really taught

To breathe solely

Who could ever have known?

We all fade promptly

Point of life is unknown

No one is saying sorry

How am I to follow?

Again, I’ve blown it

 

What’s the point (…)

 

**Written to this music:

 

 

‘December in the land of Despair’

White fog

Covered the snowy streets

One December evening

 

As I stood by the window

Silence in the air

My eyes staring into space

 

White ghosts

Hidden in the fog

Forgotten

 

Memories trembled

As they flew through my forehead

Into the night

 

Where do you go

When you have no place

No existence, no being?

 

Do you disappear

Into thin white air

As eyes stare right through you?

 

What a despair!

Silence does not care

It just is

 

No understanding

No prayer

No…

Meaning

‘Routine: Lethal’

Waking up

The song

A cup of coffee

Breakfast

The whole day…

Everything

Is like

An echo

Of the previous day

 

The little routines

The big routines

Swallowing us

Surrounding us

Till we know nothing else

And it’s…

The end

 

Step by step

The harmony of habit

Bittersweet

Leads us all

Nowhere

Somewhere

To the same place

Time

 

Time is no saviour

It’s a trap

A prison

From which no one can escape

And it pushes

It pushes us

Till the end

 

I wake up

Every day

Again

Numb

Stuck in routine

Dead

Till the end

 

‘Goodbye’

It’s time to leaveLausanne

Even though my heart will cry

It’s time to leave

It’s time to say goodbye

 

Nothing lasts forever

No matter how hard it sounds

No matter how much we would like to

We can’t change the way things are

 

It’s time to leave

Even though I love the place

Even though I’m sure that here I do belong

And my  heart will stay here forever

 

It’s time to leave

I’m leaving here my heart

I’m leaving here my soul

And my peace of mind

 

It’s time to leave

All I have is a hopeful thought

And a dream of coming back

One joyful day

‘Was it a dream?’

Was it a dream?

The beauty, the mountains, the lake

Was it a dream?

Constant happiness, joy, no stress

Was it a dream?

Dark brown eyes looking so sweetly into mine

Was it a dream?

But then above the clouds I fly…

 

Can we ever keep a dream

Or will it always die

And make us search once again

Not knowing for what and why?

Lausanne

‘Misery’

When the darkness falls

I fall back into my misery

With the coldness of the autumn winds

I shiver inside and outside of my body

Drifting across the ocean of memories

Unwillingly

My ship is carried by the storm

The heart of my existence shattered

Shattered into pieces

I don’t want it

I don’t want to fall into this dark depth again

What if

What if this time I don’t find my way back?

Don’t take me

Don’t take me away

The fog comes

I’m melting

Souls bleeding with tears

Everything I see

No

Begging turned into sobbing

No hope for it to end

Before the light saves me once again

‘I know’

I know

You’ve already forgotten

How our fingers met

The touch so soft, like rose petals

How our bodies moved to the same rhythm

How your heart was beating

When I laid my head on your chest

 

I know

That you don’t care

You don’t need to see me

Ever again

You’re good with the attention

Provided by all those other girls

 

I know

Those memories are just the past

And you never wanted us to last

You prefer to have your freedom

And have fun all your life

I would be a burden for you, I know that

 

Even though I know

Even though I know all of that

I still can’t stop my mind from thinking

About what you’re up to now

I still can’t stop my heart from pounding

When I see somebody alike

I still can’t stop my body from wanting

To be close to yours

I still can’t stop my lips from desiring

A kiss that never happened at all

 

Aching

Poison

Drug

Breaking

Bleeding

Please release me

I’m begging you to let me go

‘The Awakening’

In the middle of the night so dark

The snow started falling from the sky

The sky was the colour of black coal

I woke up thinking whether I wanted him to know

 

I looked out the window into the depths of the world

The brilliance of the shapes deeply touched my soul

And I thought how beautiful and simple life could be

If one was born a star or a snowflake shaped so mysteriously

 

The night would have been a dark blanket of life

The world – indifferent in view of such short existance

Then why is it so, I sadly asked my thoughts

That I can’t choose the life I want so badly?

 

The night brightened as if in response

A tear froze on my cheek awaiting

For the day that was about to creep into my solitude

Gray, yet no longer black in its nature

‘Helpless’

lost in thought

Floating in the sea of helplessness

Among the biterness of nothingness

Within the routines and faces touched by sadness

Carried away in the fate’s darkness

Pondering over world’s unfairness

Searching for the promised brightness

And the unlikely happiness

Hoping for some kind of loneliness

But you’re never alone in your human weakness

The minutes run away into nothingness

You’re left with less and less time before death, drowning deeper into hopelessness

‘In Search For More’

Original caption from NASA: "S103-E-5037 ...

Leaving the world with a smile on his face

Flew the spirit on the chilly winter’s embrace

‘Goodbye my tricky life

Go on with your unexpected dive

The space is waiting with its mysteries

So many roads to choose with no limits’

He knew the sweetness of blossoming trees,

The kisses of love, the pleasure he would miss

But the joys of the Earth were not enough

He wanted so much more to discover on his path

What he did – a lunacy, that’s what they called it

A mourning crowd was an illusion in not that little bit

The emptiness he did not feel anymore

When he realised he had it all in his hands, his proper lore

He left his cat, the rain and depressing fall

And then he announced, ‘’tis my final call’